Monday, March 9, 2015

Solemn Gratitude

Right now, I find myself struggling with the concept that life offers no paved path. While those who know what they love receive little guidance on which forks to take, those who are anchored to nothing have an even harder time of knowing where to go. As I've said and thought so many times in the past few weeks, the future is unwritten. And while I have superficially accepted this fact, I am admittedly lost.

Somehow, living in a wide open world is sometimes more terrifying than living in one with no choices. It's very tempting to feel alone--the people who previously surrounded me like winter children on a recess playground have now dispersed in every imaginable direction. At the blast of adulthood's gun, we are sprinting.

My life one year ago was unimaginably different than the life I am living now, and that is a wonderful thing. (It means I am growing.) When I take time out of my day to consider this disparity, I feel lucky: genuine friendships and newfound independence have flooded my life. However, I've realized how horribly easy it is to remain unsatisfied. To think I have no friends and I can't do this alone and I'm just going through the motions.

Perhaps this thought process is one of society's ultimate plagues. Perhaps if I, or you, or anyone could consistently remain in a state of thanks, each day would uphold its supreme value in our collective mind. Perhaps if we revisited being winter children on a recess playground, spring on a college campus would reemerge as wildly sweet.


  1. Hi there, Hannah! I've added your blog to the CF Blogroll. Because it looks like your blog is about regular life thoughts as well as CF, I've added you to the "day in the life" category, but if you'd prefer I could add you to the "life with CF" category instead. (The latter is typically for blogs that are strictly CF-related.)

    Also, as a fellow writer and cyster who's a few years further down the road than you, it's lovely to "meet" you and I look forward to getting to know you a little more!

    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate being added to such a great community. (: I look forward to reading lots of other blogs. Great to meet you, too!

  2. Hannah--

    As an English teacher, as a fellow CFer, let me first say that your writing is not only excellent, but it speaks to the deepest layers of what having this disease is about. I am also in the Ann Arbor area, and had a lung transplant nine months ago at U of M. I would love to feature you on my nascent blog some time, because yours is a perspective (off to college & facing new challenges) that I had once, but its freshness and clarity is gone after 10 years of being an "adult" in the "real world." Keep up the great work. :)

    -Evin Green

    1. Evin,

      Thank you so much! I am now just seeing your comment for the first time, and it made my whole day. :) Congratulations on your double lung transplant! I just went and explored your blog a bit and you tell your story so well. I would absolutely love to be featured on your blog!