Things have just been hard, lately. Alex's passing is starting to hit me in waves, as opposed to one continuous shock. I suppose that's somewhat of a good thing, but it's making my moods extremely unpredictable. I'm up and down at any given moment, and to be honest, it's exhausting. And the most frustrating part of this is that, in this type of situation, Alex would be my rock. The one who I'd lean on for support and vent to until my spirit feels lighter. I just miss her so much. The pain will never go away.
In addition to the emotional emptiness of grieving, my physical health is growing unsteady. For the past week or so, I've been completely exhausted all the time, and for the past few days I've had headaches and fevers. I've also been dizzy, nauseated, and had lung pain on my left side. I mean, I can honestly taste the infection in my throat. I don't know why this is happening, considering that I've been working extra hard on my treatments. But I guess that's just how this disease works. I hope it's not an infection brewing...I only have three more weeks of school until summer, and I cannot afford to get even more behind. I already feel like I'm drowning in information that I don't understand.
Oh, and in addition to all this, my walk is in exactly one week. There is sooo much to be done...t-shirts, food, collecting donations, and just getting people to care. It's gonna be a tough month, that's for sure.