Things have just been so...strange. My relationships with people have been changing nonstop. People who I've been really close to seem to be fading away, and I'm beginning to rely on those who I haven't, before. It's really scary, to be honest. Maybe I 'm just grieving...but I'm terrified that I'm going to end up alone. It's the "please don't leave me" mentality. I've gone back to counseling with Allison. She's amazingly kind and as understanding as she could be without really understanding everything about cystic fibrosis.
Anyway, I'm sick again. I went to clinic today, and had a really disappointing appointment. I've lost 9 pounds since my last check-up a month ago, which really doesn't make sense, considering the food I've been eating and the exercise I haven't been getting. I mean, I'm trying, but my lungs really can't handle it right now. I've been coughing more and coughing up a lot more, and I've been wheezy and short of breath. I really didn't think it was that bad until I saw what my numbers were...42.8%. Like, what? One month ago, they were 79%. And I know this is just a bump. I know things will get better. But right now, I'm really sad, I miss my friends, and I feel like crap. No inspirational words here, tonight.
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